A Long Journey, Fraught with Dangers, Toils, and Snares and Blessed with Loyal Companions

This spring, before my diagnosis, I had the urge to reread The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. In a marathon, I listened to all four books and am I ever grateful that I did. I have long been comforted and challenged by the themes in this work. The battle between good and evil. Hobbits who never looked for a calling being thrust into vital roles with impossible odds. Terrifying dangers. Long, exhausting ordeals. Glorious retreats for refreshment. Second breakfasts.

I was freshly finished with the series when my diagnosis came. and I have once more gathered great strength from the story. My journey doesn't include saving Middle Earth, but it does include the rest of the themes. In. So. Many. Ways.

       "It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness, and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this Shadow. Even Darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. 

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there's some Good in this world, Mr. Frodo...and it's worth fighting for."

                                                                                            - J.R.R, Tolkien

                                                                                            - The Two Towers

And so I fight. 

I'm on day 19 of the Tagrisso and I have seen improvement in my energy levels. I still struggle with dizziness and black outs and being wobbly on my feet. I feel like that hilarious reel that says, "I want to be a marshmallow. If I were a marshmallow, I would just wobble around....with joy." So if you see me around town (you probably won't) and I appear unsteady, I'm just practicing wobbling around with joy.

                                                                                               -Nanette

We Interrupt Our Regular Broadcasting...

I just wanted to take a break from our latest theme and let you know some really good news that has happened in our family. Mr. Blueberry Eyes and his beloved Abbi became engaged a couple of weeks ago. We are so very happy. These two are so suited to each other. 

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It will be a while before the wedding as they want to finish college and attend universities across the country from each other, but they wanted to make it official.

Abbi and Mr. Blueberry Eyes have been friends since childhood, but didn't really "notice" each other until a couple of years ago.  In an interesting twist, Abbi is Ben's (Laughing Water's husband) sister. 

 

Finding Our Stride 

I've been on the targeted meds for seven days now. I have not had any negative side effects - so thankful! I'm struggling to find my stride because it seems I have plenty of other symptoms to navigate and they change a bit from day to day. The most frustrating is that I'm not tracking as well as I usually do and have made some mistakes in business and medication that leave me feeling rattled and unsure. Is it stress, or are the Brain Bastard Babies making inroads? I'm also a bit wobbly in my balance and have decided that I should probably not go to town on my own until the meds start shrinking things. I despise losing any independence.

Just to be raw and honest for a minute, when I found out it was in my brain, I faced a powerful fear of losing cognition. I treasure words, ideas, thoughts, deep conversations above many things and the thought that I might be robbed of these things was terrible. I have so much I still want to do with my brain. I've decided to focus on healing for now.... and leave the path of it to the Almighty. A friend encouraged me to write even if I'm afraid it won't make sense.

Here are some beautiful things that are making me laugh and smile....

* This handsome dude and I are celebrating 26 years of marriage today. We celebrated with dinner out and relaxed enough to talk about some of our deep, philosophical ideas. It felt good to be "us" again for a few moments.

*It is strawberry season and we picked a boatload the other night. When I found any berries past their prime, I would toss them into the chicken run and watch the mayhem that would ensue. If you have never seen a chicken grab a strawberry and run pell mell to get away from the other hens, you really should. I'm pretty sure the amusement of it can cure cancer.

*Friends weeding my garden. 

*Mr. Blueberry Eyes and my son-in-law (I need to give him a blog name) laid weed cloth in my garden so I can finish planting. (Yes, I'm woefully late.)

*I am so deeply moved and humbled by the overwhelming generosity of people who have contributed to the GoFundMe account set up in my name. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Pleases know it is very important to me to put the money exactly where it is intended - medical bills and expenses not covered by lost wages. There will be no extravagant spending. 

                                                                                                          - Nanette