The Ups and Downs

(This picture was taken about 11 months ago when we hiked up a mountain to watch the raptors fly south along the mountain ridges.  These days, when I struggle to ambulate up one flight of stairs, I hold pictures like this dear. I can't wait to feel so alive again.)

The Ups: 

This week I had my first brain MRI since starting Tagrisso. I hadn't worried much about it, but about three days before my appointment I started to feel anxiety. What if there was no difference? We would have to start radiation. I started reaching out for prayers -not only for the BBBs (Bastard Brain Babies), but for my heart/mind -that I would not worry myself out of my Father's care. My dear friend, Nicole took me to my appointment and kept me talking and laughing. The doctor was late and that scared me. My coordinating nurse asked permission to sit in - and that worried me. 

When the doctor came in, he got right to the point, "So your scan...." I think I stopped breathing. "Surprises me...shows that the spots have shrunk...fewer of them." I didn't hear anything else. He was trying to show me the report on his computer, but I couldn't see. I just put my head on my arms and wept. "Go celebrate," he said.

The Downs:

The last two weeks I've struggled with headaches, nausea, and vomiting. We think it is withdrawals from going off steroids. Nothing tastes right. Not fun.

Things I've Learned:

* I hate steroid moon face.

* When you are wobbly on your feet it looks suspiciously like you are drunk. I need a crier to walk in front of me proclaiming. "Hear ye! Hear ye! She is neither drunk nor high. She merely wobbleth because of BBBs." It might have been helpful the other day when my feet involuntarily veered right and ran me straight into a trash can.

*This week fighting hard looks like eating a little even when you feel like retching at the sight of food.

*My village is so, so amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.